cbay

EPISODE 33

 

“CAN’T FORGIVE…
CAN’T FORGET”

Scene: Covington Bay Medical Center; the fifth floor. Drs. Zachary Dailey and Darian Leo walk out of a corridor and stop at the lounge.

Zachary: Darian, I really appreciate you volunteering to help with the AIDS fundraiser this year.

Darian: Zachary, it's no problem. It's for a good cause, I'm happy to do it.

Zachary: I know, but you're also very busy working here at the hospital and helping out at the Southtown Clinic. I don't want to stretch yourself too thin.

Darian:  Like I said, this is an important cause. AIDS is a very real presence in the African-American community. I've seen too many people die of it and many because they don’t have the educational tools to protect themselves from infection.  If I can do anything to help raise money to combat this plague, a few less hours of sleep is worth it.

Zachary: (grinning) I could use more of you in my corner. (Zachary spots Dr. Gloria Dailey stepping off the elevator) Could you excuse me, Darian?

Darian: Sure. Mama J.'s here in the hospital visiting a friend and I want to see how she's doing. I'll see you later.

Zachary: Yeah, later. (Zachary rushed after Gloria, who was headed down a corridor) Gloria! Gloria!

Gloria: (turning) Oh hi, Zachary.

Zachary: Gloria, I'm sorry I had to take off before I could tell you about A.J., but…

Gloria: But you got paged, I know. I appreciate the effort you made, which is certainly more than my son did.

Zachary: A.J. didn't tell you?  How'd you find out?

Gloria:  I saw Kevin earlier today and he told me.

Zachary: Oh. Well, thank God you found out from him rather than reading it in the Journal. A.J. promised me that he'd tell you first thing this morning. I should've insisted that he call you last night. Gloria, I'm sorry.

Gloria: Zachary, don't be. This is not your fault. As you well know A.J. can be very unreliable at times. I appreciate you looking out for me though.

Zachary (grinning): Hey, looking out for you is my pleasure.

Scene: Covington Bay Medical Center; the eighth floor. Danny James, Dana Cooper, Det. Eric Lassiter and Det. Angela Sorensen are standing outside a hospital room.

Danny: I don't care what you say, Lassiter. Mrs. Johnson's kids were not the victims of gang warfare.

Eric: And how can you be sure of that?

Danny: Because I know the neighborhood, I've lived there my entire life.

Eric: (smirking)  Except when you were in jail.

Danny:  (ignoring the remark)  Look, you learn real quick who is running with a gang and who isn't. Andy and Sam would have no part of that; their Mama would kill them herself if they did.

Dana: As much as I hate agreeing with Danny, he's right. Those boys were not in any gang.

Eric: Like I said, we'll see.

Danny: Damn you, Lassiter, you are determined to turn this into another example of a black on black crime, aren't you? Does that make it easier for you? Does it mean you can just dismiss this case as just another nigger getting what he deserves?

Eric: I resent you implying that I'm racist, James.

Danny: What? You gonna tell me some of your best friends are black?

Angela: We're getting off the subject, which is to find out what happened to those kids. It's too soon to make any kind of judgment.

Danny: Like every other case this bigot works on, he's decided as soon as he sees who's got the right, or is it wrong, skin color.  (Pause) I think I'll come back later. This place is a little too crowded for me.

Eric: (as Danny walked away) A pleasure as always, James.

Dana: I have to be getting back to work. Excuse me. (Dana walked away)

Angela (smirking): Charming as ever, aren't you, Eric?

Scene: The offices of Dr. Gary Sorensen; Dr. Hillary Sorensen's office. Hillary and Monica Greyhawk are there.

Monica: Hillary, I understand the circumstances of my marriage to Nigel. Believe me, I am all too aware of the situation.

Hillary: And you think bringing a child into this marriage is the right thing to do?

Monica: What is wrong with bringing a baby into a warm and loving environment? And that's what it would be if Nigel and I have a child. He loves me. He loves Vicki and I see how he looks at her; how he is with her. He wants a baby of his own. And I want to give it to him.

Hillary: Monica, I know that Nigel loves you.  I’ve seen it.  I’ve seen how he is with you and with Vicki.  I have no doubt he loves both of you very much. He's certainly made you very happy…happier than I've seen you in years.

Monica:  And I've made him happy too. I know that Nigel and I didn't get married under the best of circumstances, but it has turned into something wonderful for the best of us. This marriage has improved both of our lives. Doesn't it make sense that a child should come from that?

Hillary: It should…except for one thing.  You can’t ignore his past.

Monica:   I don’t.  I am all too aware of his history.  I know all about his relationship with Kevin Lassiter.  How could I forget?  It’s something I have to live with everyday.

Scene: The Lassiter Estate; the living room. Kevin and Nigel are there, facing one another.

Kevin:   You know how hard it is for me to let go of the past... of the people I've loved.  After all, how long did it take me to get over you?

Nigel:   Despite what you might think, Kevin, it wasn’t so easy for me either, Kevin, you know that.  Walking away from you… from us… was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

Kevin:   (bitterly)  Maybe it was… or so you’ve claimed.  But you had your wife to make it easier for you, didn’t you?

Nigel:   You’re still angry. 

Kevin:  Well, like we’ve made clear, it’s really hard for me to get over things, especially when the man I love leaves me to get married.

Nigel:  It wasn’t exactly like that.

Kevin:   It’s all semantics, Nigel and there’s no use going over it again.  It doesn’t matter.  Not anymore.  The last thing I want to talk about is us and our past.  It’s really something I’d prefer to never discuss again.  And especially right after I’ve had a memorial service for my dead partner.  It’s been five years and it hurts like he died yesterday. I feel like my heart has been ripped out.  I didn’t even want to get out of bed this morning.

Nigel:   Kevin, I’m sorry.  I don’t like to see you hurting.   I don’t like to see you in pain.

Kevin:  Interesting that you should say that since you’ve been responsible for so much of it.

Nigel:  And for that I will always be sorry.  I’ll always regret what happened between us.  But we couldn’t be together.  We couldn’t work… no matter how much I wanted it.

Kevin:  So you’ve said.  I’ve heard those words many times from you Nigel.  And they sound as meaningless and hollow then and they do now.

Nigel:  I understand why you might feel that way… believe me, I get it.

Kevin:  Then you’ll get it when I ask you to leave.   Seeing you, bringing up the past, everything that happened between us… it’s about more than I can deal with right now.  Please go.

Nigel:  Of course.  The last thing I want is to cause you anymore pain.  There’s nothing more that I want than to see you happy.  It’s killing me to see you like this… hurting so badly.  I wish there was something I do to ease your pain, to make you feel better.  I know you don’t want to believe that but it’s true.  Many things have changed between us Kevin, but the one thing that hasn’t is my feelings… how I feel about you.

Kevin:  What are you trying to say?

Nigel:   That I can’t let go of the past either.   As much as I want to… as much as I’ve tried… I can’t forget about us.

Kevin: (his eyes flaring with rage)  Damn you, Nigel! After everything you've done, how dare you say that to me?

Scene: Covington Bay Medical Center; the fifth floor. Gloria and Zachary are sitting in the lounge.

Zachary: Have you heard from A.J.? Do you know how he is doing?

Gloria: No. I haven't heard hide or hair of him. I've left him messages at home and he's not answering. And I called the paper and they have no idea where he is either. But, after what he's been through, I figure he's getting some rest and not answering his phone.

Zachary: Probably, but if he's smart, he's hiding from you. I have the feeling you're going to have something to say to him that just might singe his ears.

Gloria: I plan on giving him a piece of my mind…after I hug him and thank God he survived nearly being killed. (They shared a grin) I tell you, Zachary, A.J. and Eric constantly have me in a state of worry. Seems like there's one thing after another with those two.

Zachary: I know. But, you seem to handle it pretty well.

Gloria: What choice do I have? Those boys have so much tumult in their lives, I've almost gotten used to it. I keep hoping that one day they'll both settle down and lead a normal existence.

Zachary: From what I've seen of A.J. and Eric so far, I hope you're not counting on that to happen.

Gloria: (shaking her head) Are you kidding? After all these years, I know better. I'm starting to get the feeling that no matter how much I might like it, they'll never change.

Zachary: But at least you're able to love them…have some sort of a relationship with them. (He sighed) It's not like that with me and my father.

Gloria: What brought that up?

Zachary: Laura did. I talked to her a little while ago. She wants to pick up Candice's mantle of trying to make peace between me and Dad.

Gloria: An admirable goal.

Zachary: Yes, but a complete waste of time. My father and I can never see eye to eye. Not after all these years, not after all that's happened.

Gloria:   So you told Laura that you weren’t willing to try?

Zachary: No. I told her that I was willing to do what I could to fix things between me and Dad; that I'd go along with whatever she tried.  It's so important to her. She wants to see this family together, especially now that Candice is dead and with you and Dad divorcing.  In retrospect that was a mistake, I think.  I shouldn’t have encouraged her.

Gloria: No, Zachary, what you're doing is not a mistake. In fact, if you don't go along with your sister, you might regret it for the rest of your life.

Nearby, Danny steps off an elevator and walks up to Natalie, who is at the desk working.

Danny:  Hey, is my brother back in his room?

Natalie: No, Mr. James, I'm sorry, but he's not. He's still undergoing tests.

Danny: Well, what's taking so long? I thought you doctors said he was all right.

Natalie: He is; they just want to make sure everything is fine before he's released. Don't worry. He should be in his room soon enough.

Danny: Fine. (Danny walked away, went to a pay phone and dialed a number)

Voice: Yeah?

Danny: Leo, it's me, Danny.

Leo: Danny, boy! How 'ya doing?

Danny: Cool. But, I'll be doing even better if we're still on for today. You still going to meet me at Lulu's for lunch?

Leo: Sure. You gonna tell me what this meeting's all about? The only reason you'd be calling is if you had a job you needed doing and last I heard you'd given all that up.

Danny: This is not something I want to get into over the phone, Leo. I'll see you at noon.

Leo: I'll be waiting.

Danny: (hanging up the phone) I hope this works. It's Nate's only chance.

Voice: Hope what works?

Danny: (turning to face Dana) What are you doing; eavesdropping?

Dana: I asked you a question first. What are you up to, Danny? And how is Nathan involved? 

Scene: Covington Bay Medical Center; the eighth floor. Eric and Angela are standing outside a hospital room.

Angela: You know it's a good thing you didn't decide to take up medicine as a profession. Sick people would be lining up to commit euthanasia just to get away from your bedside manner.

Eric: What the hell does that mean?

Angela: Why did you feel the need to talk to Danny James like that?

Eric: I don't have to justify why I talk to anybody the way I do, but for the record, Danny James is a lowlife scum who's just biding his time until his next jail sentence.

Angela: That may be true, but until then he's a man who has served his sentence and paid his debt to society. For you to verbally assault him like that is out of line.

Eric: Excuse me? I busted that creep and put him behind bars for five years. Before that, he garnered a criminal record longer than that forked tongue of yours. He doesn't deserve anything but my disdain and he'll get that in abundance. Why are you standing up for him? If you are the top cop the Captain claims you are, don't you know scum when you see it?

Angela (glaring at A.J.): I could respond to that, but it's way too easy. (Pause) Why don't we worry about the case, or should we bother since you already have it solved?

Eric: You have a problem with my theory?

Angela: I have a problem with you coming up with any theories before we've talked to anyone connected to this case. How can you speculate that these boys were the victims of gang violence when we haven't done any investigating?

Eric: Because I've worked the streets and spent enough time in Southtown to know gang violence when I see it. When you have my experience, little girl, then criticize the choices I make.

Angela: For the record, Det. Lassiter, I have seen as much on the streets as you have. I've ridden in a patrol car, I've done time in Vice and Burglary, I even did some choice undercover operations. I've walked the walk and I've paid my dues and don't you ever treat me like some bubble headed bimbo who doesn't know the difference between the trigger and the butt of a gun!

Eric: Oh don't you worry, Det. Sorensen, for as long as this partnerships lasts, which if I have anything to say about it won't be long, I'll treat you like one of the boys. You sure as hell are showing me you've got the balls to be one.

Angela: You are such a…!

David: (walking up) Eric?  Eric, what are you doing here?

Eric: Uncle David, hi. I'm here investigating the beating of the Johnson kids.

David:  Have you come up with anything?

Eric: Not yet, we just got here.

David: We? (He turned to Angela)  Hello, Angela, right?

Angela:  Right.  How are you Rev. Collier, it’s been awhile.

David:   Yes, since I married your sister Monica and Nigel Greyhawk.  Are you investigating this case as well?

Angela:  Yes.  (Pause)  How are you connected to the victims?

David:   I’ve been helping out at Southtown Community Church since their current pastor fell ill.  Polly Johnson is a member of the church and her boys help out sometimes. (Pause) I hope you can find out who did this. It's a terrible tragedy. Those kids had a bright future and Polly was so proud of them.

Eric: Where is Mrs. Johnson? We'd like to speak to her.

David: She's in the chapel; she'll be up in a minute. But, I don't know what she can tell you. She didn't hear about it until the hospital called.

Eric: We'd like to talk to her anyway.

David: As I said, she'll be up in a minute. (Pause) If you'll excuse me, I'll relieve Mama J.. (He went into the hospital room)

Angela:  Hard to believe you have an uncle who is a minister.

Eric: He's not really my uncle.  You know he’s married to Sabrina.  My mother and Sabrina went to college together, so I've known him my entire life. He just became Uncle David.

Angela: Well, I suggest you stay on his good side. He might be the only way you ever get through the pearly gates.

(As Angela smirked at Eric, Mama J. and David came out of the hospital room)

Mama J.: Rev. Collier, that boy has to be all right, he has to. With Sam gone, he's all Polly has… (She saw Eric) What is he doing here?

David: Mama J., Eric’s a homicide detective. He's here to investigate the attacks.

Mama J.:  No.  Oh no.  He's the last person who should be on this case!

 

Scene: Covington Bay Medical Center; the fifth floor lounge. Zachary and Gloria are there.

Zachary: Gloria, you think I should try to reconcile with my father? Surely you must know that's impossible.

Gloria: Nothing's impossible, especially when it comes to family.

Zachary: It is where my family is concerned.

Gloria: You forget I'm a member of the Lassiter family. We cornered the market on dysfunction. If there's a problem or an issue that we haven't addressed or dealt with then it doesn't exist. And accept for a few notable exceptions, we all get along fairly well. And we always try to be there for each other.

Zachary: I know that. I've seen enough to know that when the chips are down, despite everything, the Lassiters stick together.

Gloria: Right, because most of us realize the importance of family.

Zachary: But, there is so much bad blood between me and my father.

Gloria: I know and I feel partially responsible for that. I know my divorce from Glenn has placed a great strain on your relationship. I will always be sorry for that.

Zachary: But, it's not your fault.

Gloria: Maybe not, but my problems with Glenn has widened the gap between the two of you and I will always regret that. (Pause) Zachary, I realize you have a lot of reason to hold on to the bitterness between you and Glenn, but he is your father and he's the only one you've got. Knowing that, you may as well do your damnedest to deal with the hand you've been dealt. I know it won't be easy and it's going to take a lot of work on everyone's part. But, in the end, it'll be worth it.

Zachary: I'd like to believe that, Gloria, I really would. When we were a family…before Mom got so sick, I loved that man, I idolized him. I thought he was strong, confident, tough. I thought he could do no wrong. I wanted to be like him. It was why I became a doctor…so I could be like my old man.

Gloria: Sounds like every little boy's dream.

Zachary: But the dream that shattered with cold, harsh reality. The man I thought was so honest and decent and kind turned out to be manipulative, selfish and cold who would do whatever he had to in order to get what he wanted no matter who it hurt. And he hurt a lot of people: my mother, you, me, even Candice. How can I go back to having those dreams again now that I've seen him how he really is?

Gloria: No one's asking you not to see Glenn as he really is. Truthfully, you both have to see each other as you really are, find a way to accept that and look for some sort of middle ground. It's the only way you're ever going make a start at coming together.

Zachary: When you say it, it makes so much sense and sounds so easy.

Gloria: It does make sense, but it's not easy. In fact, it may be one the hardest things you ever do. But, in the end, if you can having a loving relationship with your father, it'll be worth it. I promise you that. Give it a try, Zachary. What have you got to lose?

Zachary: I don’t know. (He sighed) But, I guess I'll find out soon enough, won't I?

Nearby, Danny and Dana are at the pay phone.

Danny: Were you eavesdropping on my conversation?

Dana: Of course I was. You seem to do it to me so often, I thought I'd give you a chance to see how it feels. So tell me, what's up with you and Nathan?

Danny: My brother and I and what we do is none of your business.

Dana: What if I want to make it my business?

Danny: I suggest you don't.

Dana: And you know how often I take your suggestions.

Danny: I advise you do it this time.

Dana: Or what? You gonna call the cops? (She shook her head) No, I don't think so. You're usually more interested in avoiding the police.

Danny: Since when are you so interested in my life? Last time I looked, you couldn't stand me.

Dana: And that hasn't changed in the last five minutes. But your anger over what I might have heard has got me curious. You're up to something.

Danny: You're nuts.

Dana: Then what were you talking about?

Danny: I already told you it's none of your business. Drop it or I’ll drop you!

Dana: Danny, I know you well enough to know when you're hiding something.

Danny: Then I guess you know me well enough to know what happens to people who butt in my business. You want to me to stay away from you, Dana, then do me the same favor, unless you want everyone in this hospital to know of your connection to the man accused of murdering the chief of staff's baby girl.

Dana: Threats, Danny? Oh boy, you must really have something to hide.

Danny: Just stay away from me, little girl, or I swear you'll regret it.

(Danny stormed off)

Dana: Regrets? I've got plenty of those where you're concerned, buddy. It's about time I gave you something to be sorry about.

Scene: Hillary's office. Hillary and Monica are there.

Hillary:   So, do you think Nigel still has feelings for Kevin Lassiter?

Monica: Yes. He'd never admit them…to me anyway…maybe not even to himself. But, I think that's part of why he's been so withdrawn and moody lately.

Hillary: I thought you said it was because of your pressuring him to have a baby.

Monica: That is part of it. But, there's more to it.

Hillary: What do you mean?

Monica: Well, you know that Kevin lost his lover, Alec Stone, to AIDS.

Hillary:   I was living in Autumn Lake at the time, but I know.

Monica: Kevin was devastated by it. It's taken him years to get over it. I don't think he still has.

Hillary: What does have to do with Nigel and how he's acting?

Monica: Today is the fifth anniversary of Alec Stone's death.

Hillary: How do you know this?

Monica: I read about it in the Journal. Apparently, there's a fundraiser for the Alec Stone Memorial AIDS Clinic in a few weeks. Anyway, I know Nigel read the same article. And Nigel's been upset ever since. I know he's worried about how Kevin's feeling, how he's doing.

Hillary: Did Nigel tell you this?

Monica: He didn't have to. This has happened before. It happens every year around this time. Nigel always goes into a funk and gets lost in the past.

Hillary: Understandable. Kevin and Nigel went through a lot together for a long time before they decided to break it off.

Monica: I know that and I can understand Nigel's concern for someone that was such a part of his life. But, I can't help but think Nigel is reliving all they had been through. And regretting that things had never worked out between them.

Hillary: Did Nigel say all this to you?

Monica: No, of course not. And if I asked him about it, he'd never admit it. He'd say what he always says. That while he while he does care about Kevin, his love for him is a thing of the past. He'd say he wants to be with me now; that Vicki and I are his life.

Hillary: You believe that, don't you?

Monica: I believe that Nigel is committed to the marriage. I know he loves me and Vicki. But, I know he cannot get the past out of his system. He can't let go of that part of his life. And it's why he is hesitant about having a child of our own.

Hillary: Is that the reason Nigel gave you?

Monica: Nigel has always felt that he won't feel right having a child of our own until he is completely comfortable with who he is, that he can totally put his homosexuality behind him.

Hillary: Monica, do you think that's possible? Homosexuality is not something you can put in a box and pack away in the attic.

Monica: I know that. I knew that it would always be part of Nigel when I married him. I knew what a risk I was taking, but I loved him and I wanted it to work between us. And though it was rocky at first, Nigel and I have had a wonderful marriage.

Hillary: Except that Nigel is still conflicted about his homosexuality.

Monica:   I know.  As much as I hoped and as much as I’ve prayed that he would be past this he isn’t.  I know that no matter how much he loves me and wants me, he can never shut off those feelings.   My husband is gay, I know that.  I accept that.  But I can also with that.

Hillary:   Really?  You can really deal with that?

Monica:   What do you think I’ve been doing for the past two years?  Yes, I can deal with it.  I love him that much.  But this isn’t about Nigel’s being gay, not really.  That I can handle.  It's about Kevin Lassiter and Nigel's feelings for him. That's why Nigel can't move on with his life and start a family.   It’s why we can’t go forward in our life together.  He can't forget his first love.

Scene: The Lassiter Estate; the living room.  Nigel and Kevin are there.

Kevin:   Nigel, you have a hell of a nerve coming here and saying that.

Nigel:  Kevin, you know I had no idea that you would be home.  And I’m sorry.   I shouldn’t have said that to you.

Kevin:  Then why did you?  Why would you want to dig all that up after all these years?

Nigel:  Strange as it may sound a part of me hoped it would make you feel better.  That knowing that someone out there still cares might ease some of your pain.

Kevin:  It doesn’t Nigel, not hardly.  In fact, it only makes things worse.  Much worse.   Do you really think hearing you say that you have feelings helps?  Especially considering that he didn’t have to be standing here looking back on the past with pain and regret.  It didn’t have to be that way.  We could’ve been together.  We could’ve had a life together but you threw it away.  You rejected it.

Nigel:  I had no choice.

Kevin:  Life is full of choices, Nigel.  You just happened to have made the wrong one.

Nigel: Kevin, I haven't forgotten what I've done, the pain I caused in your life. I live with it everyday. And I will always regret how things turned out.

Kevin: Why do I find that hard to believe?

Nigel: It's the truth. (Pause) I wish things could've been different.

Kevin: But they weren't. And it was your fault.

Nigel: It's not that simple.

Kevin: With you Nigel, it never was. But, that was part of the problem, wasn't it?

Nigel: Kevin, I'm just grateful that after all we went through you were able to go on. You were able to love again.

Kevin: You're right. I was able to love again and believe me, after how badly you hurt me, I never thought that I could. But I got lucky. I met someone who was able to get past the wall I had put up after you ran roughshod over my life. Alec made me realize that I could love someone again, that I could have that kind of passion in my life. We had an honest, full relationship that most people only dream of. It certainly was more than we ever had. We never even came close.

Nigel: Are you saying that to hurt me?

Kevin: I'm saying that because it's the truth! If it hurts you, that's just a bonus.

Nigel: Kevin, I was glad you found Alec. I wanted you to be happy, I wanted you to have the kind of love you wanted and deserved…since it could never be that way with us.

Kevin: How noble of you.

Nigel: I only wish I could've lasted. I only wish you weren't going through that sort of loss all over again.

Kevin: Losing you is nothing compared to losing Alec! How dare you compare the two? Alec was taken from me. Losing him was a cruel twist of fate. You walked away. You willingly left me. And you never looked back.

Nigel: You're wrong, Kevin. I looked back. I look back every day of my life. As hard as I try, as much as I want to, I can't forget the what we had together. I don't think I ever will.

Scene: Covington Bay Medical Center; the eighth floor. Eric, Angela, Mama J. and David are there.

David: Mama J., what's wrong?

Mama J.: (pointing to Eric) He is wrong. They couldn’t get anyone else to look into this terrible crime? They had to send him?

David: Eric is a homicide detective, on the best in the homicide department from what I understand.

Eric: Mama J., if this is about last night….

Mama J.: Yes, this is about last night and a hell of a lot more than that!

Eric: I understand if you're upset about Danny James because he's a friend of yours, but he did hit me. I had every right to arrest him.

Mama J.: Really? Is it your right to stagger into a place so drunk you can barely see straight and harass innocent people?

Eric: I would hardly call Danny James innocent.

Mama J.: Nobody called Danny a saint, but he sure didn't deserve what you did last night. You harassed him, pushed him to the limit and when he fought back, you humiliated him. And why? So you could be the big man? So you could prove what a tough cop you are? The only you proved is how mean spirited you are!  I wouldn't want you to wash my dishes, much less try to find out who killed someone I loved.

(At that moment, Gloria walked onto the scene and everyone noticed her)

Eric: Mom!

Mama J.: Gloria!

Gloria: Oh, go on, Mama J.. Don’t stop on my account. After all, isn't this what every mother wants to hear about her baby boy?

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